Avoidant behaviors: What are they and what should they be?

Avoidance behaviors are a possible response mode (among others) to certain stimuli that we experience on a daily basis. As such, they are mostly unconscious and instinctive behaviors, because they are associated with responses that developed far back in evolution. The flight response to danger is constituted after a long path of repetition of this behavior, which initially served to get safe.

In the modern world, however, it takes place in very different contexts. In most, there is no significant danger, but the individual does perceive it as such.

What do we consider dangerous? The answer to this is extremely broad and full of nuances and singularities. A group situation, for example, or the outside world, or an idea that comes to mind without being able to handle it, can be dangerous for someone. Avoidant behaviors can be put into play with the intention of avoiding all kinds of situations that are considered dangerous. And this depends on the individual in question.

Avoidant behavior seeks to get away from the problem, flee, deny, distract, change the subject, limit or restrict almost entirely any link with the dangerous situation. To see it in an example, we can think of situations in which a person avoids facing the conflict with one of her ties, ignoring him, ignoring all communication with him or her. An avoidant behavior of this type evades situations in which he may possibly come across the person in question, even being able to significantly restrict his activities for this purpose.

Avoidance is usually a problem, because it tends to expand, and, if it is not worked on, the situations to be avoided can be more and more, leaving the individual very limited. Avoidance behaviors are established by considering, unconsciously, that avoiding the situation would be solving the problem, it is similar to denial, a magical type of thought that says something like: "if I don't see it, it ceases to exist". However, we know that it doesn't work that way, what we try to ignore sooner or later reappears. There are no magic solutions if we don't get involved and resolve the conflict.

Avoidant behaviors manifest early and are partly related to parenting methods and the characteristics that develop in childhood. Phobias are essentially driven by avoidance behaviors, so these are observable in childhood phobias. The first defensive mechanisms usually extend, if not working, to adult life.

In any case, as we mentioned at the beginning, there is something general and collective regarding the reaction mechanisms against danger, with avoidance being one of the most frequent. Through avoidance, it seeks to generate a distance between what triggers fear and the individual. Sometimes avoidance can be caused by fear of reacting violently, so it is sought to prevent a feared reaction.

There are many contexts in which these behaviors are manifested. Procrastination, not taking care of certain responsibilities, not responding in a conflictive conversation, absenting yourself from a certain context after a conflict, or even before, always responding positively to avoid a potential conflict, repeatedly "forgetting" an issue, etc. Or other more extreme ones, such as avoiding closed spaces, the proximity of certain animals in particular, which is typical of phobias.

Being aware of the mechanism allows us to understand our defensive mechanisms a little better, potentially allowing us to face situations differently.

 

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