Reasons to take the distance in a relationship.

Relationships are always complex and go through different moments and periods. Many times we have relationships that are not good for us, or that, for one reason or another, become a burden or source of constant conflict.

This can be due to very different reasons. People change over time and, therefore, the relationships we have with others also change. All relationships require certain "adjustments" from time to time. In other words, the link must be willing to adapt to the new changes in order to continue.

In many cases, we perpetuate structures in certain links that belong to previous periods of our lives and that no longer represent us. If the link can't accommodate this, it probably suffers. This happens very often in family ties,

In friendships of many years this can happen when, already in adult life, habits that are more characteristic of friendships in adolescence continue to be perpetuated (impulsive anger, drama, jealousy, for example).  If the codes of the bond are not spoken between the parties and certain members are unhappy with this modality, it is very likely that the relationship will break or become conflictive.

In this example, it is clearly seen how a previous dynamic that was already disruptive then but perhaps tolerated continues to insist in the present when the reality of many of the parties is different. In these cases, communication is required.

The same goes for romantic relationships. When one of the members who until now had a certain structure decides to change, due to work in therapy or significant life situations, for example, this sometimes generates resistance in the other party. If there is not a balance between the two that helps the link to change according to the new situation, conflicts will arise that can cause damage to both.

Taking a distance is a good option if a bond has become harmful, inflexible, and presents modalities that are not open to communication and change. This is very case-by-case-dependent and needs to be looked at on its uniqueness. But in general, terms, taking distance would be a recommended option in cases where the health of the person in question is at stake. Sometimes, taking distance is an act of self-care, respect, and self-worth.

Some of the situations that warrant taking a distance, in any type of relationship, are:

• When you are or were a victim of violence: physical, verbal, and/or psychological.

This, of course, is the most important and the one that encompasses those that follow since, in a certain way, the rest are forms of violence.

• When you feel that there is a situation in the relationship that distresses or hurts you and you do not see collaboration from the other party to talk or reflect on the subject.
• When you see your personal limits overwhelmed. They make decisions for you, they don't respect your privacy, your opinions are ignored.
• When there is a recurring criticism or ridicule towards you. Without there being any space to talk about it, or without generating lasting changes.
• When you feel that you are a constant receptacle of the other person's conflicts, without them being available to accompany you when you need it. As long as communication about this shows no reflection or hint of change.
• When you notice that your achievements or positive news are not valued or recognized.

These are just some examples. And there are many situations in which distance is warranted, as a way of limiting and being able to reassess if that is a bond that you choose to continue holding. Working on it within the framework of therapy is a good way to approach the particular case, which is always the most recommended.

 

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