What does it mean to be complacent?

One of the meanings of the word Complacency is "excessive tolerance." A person can be complacent at specific times for many reasons: satisfaction, pleasure, empathy, compassion. But when it happens constantly, it usually constitutes a trait and an indication of conflict avoidance.

Confrontation and conflict carry the risk of abandonment, and this sometimes creates a lot of fear. In order to avoid these conflicts, the accommodating person sometimes tolerates excessively, supports what the other person says without being able to give their opinion, and sustains harmful situations just for fear of being disruptive.

On many occasions, the complacent person accepts or supports ideas that they do not share, experiences conflict situations without being able to intercede, and usually appears to external eyes as someone who always agrees with everything, who does not generate opposition.

Every time we give our opinion we face the possibility of rejection, that opinion may not be shared and may even be criticized or discussed. Accepting this diversity of opinions does not imply going to war with the other person, but it does mean holding one's own and accepting that not everyone is going to think the same as one. The accommodating person avoids conflict because he seeks to appear with an image to others that are never negative. For that, he needs to always show himself the same and not reveal too much about what he thinks or feels, because this would make her stand out and generate some kind of disagreement.

Being complacent on a recurring basis implies assenting to situations that are not shared, and this generates confusion regarding identity. Desires, opinions, perspectives, are diluted in a constant attempt to please. In the background of complacency, then, is not only the fear of conflict and loss but also the exhaustive fulfillment of a social image.

Much of the mandates, education, manners, and should-be seeps into the attitude of a person pleaser. There is a sometimes very strict norm that indicates how we should behave. The education and upbringing of a few years ago placed special emphasis on complacency, especially for women. Not dissenting, not generating conflict, accompanying, and caring are, in this system, the essential mandates.

From many dogmatic religious positions, complacency is also installed as a mandate. Being helpful, cheerful, well disposed of, cooperative, understanding is what is expected. Conflict is associated with sin, with what should not happen. This is at the origin of many repressions and censorships that sometimes complicate the identification process of the person, who in its development must allow the conflict to be able to elaborate deep questions. Independence means conflict, for example. It implies in itself the breaking of a status quo based on something new.

No passage can be without conflict, and this is the central difficulty of complacency when it is chronically installed.

These reflections aim to understand attitudes or behaviors that we see around us or that we experience ourselves, as a way of relativizing and questioning them. It is not possible to avoid conflict, it is part of life, and development implies overcoming conflicts. Being complacent is being at the service of an external expectation and not in connection with one's own processes.

Being able to question this provides a tool for awareness and change. The possibility of enabling what is socially judged helps in the acceptance of all the states that we go through and allows us to live in greater accordance with our desires and needs.

 

Thank You

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