Difficulty trusting: What is it due to?

Difficulty trusting relationships is very common, but what could it be due to?

How is trust built-in relationships, and what is the fear behind the distrust?

As always in Psychology, it depends on the particular person, their context, and their characteristics. There is a rather persecutory distrust, which may be associated with psychosis, for example. And then we have that distrust that we observe more frequently, usually of a defensive nature, which at times makes it difficult to establish links.

Links are built and so is trust. Trust has to do with security, with feeling supported by the counterpart of the bond. When ties are insecure and there has been no history of this type of security, it is likely that the lack of trust may be repeated from then on in future ties.

As we have discussed in many previous articles, linking and trusting always implies a risk, there is never a certainty of what will come and how the people around us will respond. Therefore, opening up emotionally can generate fear. It implies a position of vulnerability, where we are "playing" and betting on that link and that person. But like any bet, it can turn out differently than we thought.

Confidence in other people entails or rather simultaneously allows confidence in oneself. People manage to trust their own abilities if trust and security have ever been transmitted to them. It is a feedback loop.

Sometimes, and for various reasons, in the first bonds of love, the consolidation of that trust is not solid enough. Let us remember that those who are in a position of care and in the role of upbringing have their own unconscious issues, and possibly, unresolved issues in the relationship with their own maternal figures. This can generate insecurities or a lack of solid self-confidence and, therefore, that distrust is transferred to their children.

Confidence manifests itself when it was not undermined in the past. When the boy or girl knew how to experience for a long enough time what she expected to find, she was. Certain security and perseverance, that she is developing and strengthening this initial security.

If along the way it has been learned that when it was believed that something would happen, for one reason or another, it did not happen, then defensively one learns not to trust because the response to trust has not been satisfactory. This is further increased in cases in which the adults used their power to betray the bond. Cases of violence and abuse are in this line.

Betrayal and lies in parenting also break trust. Repeatedly promising what is not fulfilled, or lying to them thinking that they do not notice it, wears down the fundamental love pact so that this bond is consolidated. If this is sustained over time, it can become a pattern of mistrust in the future.

Trust is built, and satisfactory exchange experiences are what makes it possible in long-term bonds. Trusting implies accepting vulnerability, accepting uncertainty, and betting on someone else whom we do not control. It is allowing oneself to be receptive and to live the experience of bonding that can never be anticipated.

 

Thank You

 

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