Idealization and frustration.

Idealization and frustration.
Posted on 23-03-2022

Idealization is a popular and frequently used term. But what does it really imply from the psychological point of view?

Idealization is a psychic mechanism, which, as its very name shows, comes from the notion of Ideal, and implicitly from Idea. There is something in its background that accounts for an abstraction. Abstraction of valued or desirable elements. The ideal is what has no-fault, does not have a "b-side", or at least does not show it. The ideal is similar to utopia, in that by naming it we know that there is something in it that is considerably far from reality. However, sometimes we pretend that this is the reality.

Therefore, idealization is the mechanism by which people or things are seen as blameless, great, supreme... Even, in the case of people, surpassing their essential human characteristics: such as mortality or the possibility of making mistakes.

Through idealization, we avoid observing all the obscure and unfathomable points that correspond to the object in question. It is a partial gaze that enhances and takes to the extreme all that is bright and positive in that in which we place it.

We idealize when we find it very difficult if not impossible to recognize a flaw or a negative aspect in the object. In this way, we deny or repress all these aspects. We create a “rose-colored” lens through which we see reality.

Idealizing is a mechanism that often seeks to avoid frustration. It implies a self-conviction and an exaltation of the positive aspects to hide all those that can, perhaps, harm us.

As such, it is then exercised as a mode of defenseWe defend ourselves by avoiding observing what could be conflictive. To achieve this we only have to highlight and enhance the good, the beautiful, the positive. Surround the object with a halo of perfection. In this way, all faults will remain hidden and this will apparently avoid conflict.

However, we already know very well that in psychology everything that is hidden under the rug does not persist there for long. Or, if it does, find a way to repeatedly communicate that it's there.

The hidden aspects sometimes come to light with such force that they break all ties with that object and generate great frustration. It feels like the worst betrayal because everything was created so that "ideally" that person would never disappoint. Paradoxically, idealization paves the way for disappointment.

The more idealized a person is, the more difficult and frustrating it will be if the machine breaks down and recognition of their shadow aspects is allowed.

You can idealize a particular person, a political party or idea, a figure, a situation, job or project, etc. Idealization can be exercised frequently and in different spaces and it is usually a mechanism that those who exercise it usually do in more than one area of ​​their life.

In our culture, it is very common to idealize mothers, for example. The mother as a figure sometimes stands as holy, blameless, perfect, impossible to question. From this, it follows that the woman who does not want to be a mother is often despised or judged.

Motherhood has an idealized halo. This not only produces great demand towards the different mothers in particular but also hides and represses the difficult and dark aspects, coming to light in the most violent way through harsh judgments and prejudices: mothers as the only ones responsible for what happens with their children, "bad mothers" to all those who do not meet the stereotype, etc.

Working the idealization mechanism allows us to see what surrounds us in a more authentic and comprehensive way. Being able to accept the multiplicity of facets and the true complexity that our reality embodies.

 

Thank You