Unresolved grief, how to recognize it?

Grief processes change depending on the person who goes through it. There are those who take more or less to process a loss. And, although the adequate time to process it is stipulated from 6 months to a year approximately, this is very variable depending on the case by case.

Beyond this, if it extends too long, it is possible to speak of pathological or unresolved grief. In this case, psychological attention is important to be able to accompany this process to its closure or completion. The loss of a loved one is not resolved once and for all, nostalgia and anguish at the memory can continue to appear even long after. However, it is important to observe if the person is being able to continue with her life, or if she is detained as a result of that loss.

Duels can be due to losses of different types. The loss can be the death of a loved one or estrangement. It may be due to a breakup of a couple, or the loss of a certain structure or previous life stage, for example. And each person has their own resources to cope with losses. Resources that will be determined or influenced by events in personal life and also by issues of a generational and collective transmission.

In families or cultures where the uprooting and loss have been repetitive and/or traumatic, this may influence how a particular member copes with loss.

Responses to loss can be depressive or denial-manic. In general, there are those who manage to anguish over the loss and those who act almost as if nothing had happened. Grieving involves being able to connect with that loss and is in itself a significant achievement. The point is that this state does not last forever, preventing the individual from going out and recovering.

The signs that indicate that a duel may be unresolved or be considered pathological could be:

• Note that the person, after a considerable time has elapsed since the loss (more than a year, although depending on the case and the particular circumstances), continues to be significantly distressed, entering cycles of nostalgia from which it is not easy to get out.
• He can't talk or reminisce about the missing person and often shies away when someone brings up the subject (equally after a year or significant time).
• Or on the contrary: he constantly talks about it, with difficulty changing the subject. In general, it is a speech of complaint and lament for the loss, which denotes that it is still an open wound.
• You cannot, or find it very difficult to continue with your daily activities, project into the future or focus your energy on other issues/subjects.
• Has a hard time remembering the person with a sense of humor, or bringing back enriching memories about the person who is not there (after a certain time).
• It may be a case of severe depression if the person cannot get out of that state of melancholy. (After a considerable time, he shows reluctance, irritability, difficulty sustaining activities, anguish, and even ideas of death).

It is very important to be able to recognize these signs, in order to motivate a consultation in cases where it is necessary.

Many times we take for granted that losses are painful (and it is true that they are), but we can naturalize issues that really need to be dealt with.

 

Thank You