Very demanding and critical parents, what consequences does it generate?

Demand and criticism tend to unfold very frequently in the intra-family sphere. Its consequences can fall, fundamentally, on the members who are in the process of identity development and independence.

Demand and criticism are two terms that refer to attitudes of people who are usually inflexible and demanding. His vision of the world is considered the only correct one, presenting difficulties to accept the difference. This posture manifests itself projected on others but simultaneously implies great self-criticism and demands towards themselves. They do not allow or accept in others what they have not allowed themselves to accept. And this usually corresponds to attitudes transmitted from generation to generation.

For individuals who are in a developmental stage, where exploration plays such an important role, demand and criticism limit that search, possibly leading them to experience inhibition, fear, and guilt about everything they want to escape from the patterns. "accepted" by the family environment.

The parental demand and criticism can be introjected, becoming part of the individual's psyche and leading him to act in the same way with the people around him. Or you can generate an opposite reaction, rebelliously defying all demands and all criticism. Both are two sides of the same coin. In both, the point of reference is the family discourse, and in both this discourse is given excessive relevance. That is why it is so important to be able to block it because that is the opportunity to make that criticism more flexible without the need to automatically react to it.

Having a self-critical stance is important, but if it remains within margins that allow exploration. Recognizing when one is wrong, for example, requires some self-criticism. Being able to grow or develop in some aspect of life also requires self-criticism, precisely to be able to recognize that we do not know everything. However, this self-criticism can be so intense that it prevents exploration and individuation. Being too tied to norms, mandates, and roles, to "right and wrong" hinders the personal process.

In the intra-family setting, this demand, which is also usually present from the beginning of the upbringing, conditions and affects the self-esteem of girls and boys, who grow up with an authoritarian and censorious view of themselves.

In general, it is in adolescence where these contrasts are most suffered. The energy that presses for independence collides with the walls and the resistance of the demand and criticism. Any attempt to differentiate can be perceived by parents as threatening, trying to curtail or limit this attempt to individualize.

In adult life, this continues to manifest itself through excessive criticism of ways and life choices. Censoring what does not correspond to their own.

Gender identity and decisions around sexuality are usually areas in which great conflicts are generated, precisely because it is the acceptance of difference that is hindered.

When a dynamic of this type is installed at the family level, it can lead to criticism and demands flowing in multiple directions, with later daughters and sons also criticizing parents and siblings.

Recognizing these patterns in the family environment can be very important when it comes to setting limits and making decisions that allow accepting the path of others, and allowing one's own exploration.

 

 

Thank You