Contempt and undervaluation in parenting.

The contempt and undervaluation of children in upbringing is an aspect that significantly affects their development and their subjective constitution. 

Inflexible parental criticism and demands transform all attempts and achievements of the child into something insufficient, something that could always be better. This, unlike motivating to improve, usually generates a feeling of mistrust of one's own abilities.

The stimulation to progress must be done on a basis of assessment and recognition, from which you can motivate yourself to continue, learning or practicing. But if this assessment and recognition do not occur, no progress can be promoted, because its root, which is the perception that there is the capacity to carry out activities, is not consolidated. No one validated it, and therefore it is not solidly entrenched.

In many cases, mothers and fathers, in order to encourage their sons and daughters to progress, push too hard, forgetting that without the development of self-esteem there is no possible progress. Under this attitude, children's achievements are not appreciated, they are diminished in value.

This parental attitude, as extreme as it may seem, makes its way in the most subtle ways and is very common in the context of parenting. One of its most common variants is that by which the achievement that the child shows with a look of skeptical evaluation is received, and advice or demand is returned to him instead of recognition for what he has already done. This conveys to the child that what he did is not important, that the focus is on what he lacks, and if it is repeated over time, it will become a norm. The boy or girl will be constantly looking for what is missing in order to meet an external demand or requirement.

Every time a child is told and conveyed that what he or she has done is not good enough, he or she receives and interprets that it is not worth enough in its entirety or is not good enough. What is immediately at stake is the totality of her person, thus considerably undermining her self-esteem.

In general, the contempt and undervaluation in parenting have to do with projections of the parents' own insecurities about their sons and daughters. It is very common for fathers and mothers to project on their sons and daughters those aspects that generate insecurity and harsh self-criticism in themselves. Those who are very self-critical and demanding often also harshly demand their children, and in this way, this is transmitted from generation to generation. This undermines autonomous development and infiltrates insecurities early in child development.

This perspective is enhanced by the school evaluation system, which, in the same way, values ​​only those who comply with the qualification system by note. Those people who do not achieve a grade considered good immediately consider themselves insufficient. Thus, one learns from childhood that it is the external approval from which one's own value or capacity emerges. And if the outside belittles or disqualifies, that will be the self-perception that they will build.

It is very important to be able to dismantle and build new parenting models that allow a more complete accompaniment and that allow a healthier development.

 

Thank You

 

Also Read:

1. Relationship between arrogance and insecurity.
2. Connect with the inner child, what does it mean?
3. How to communicate in the Relationship?